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Hello
http://www.splak.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3941		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  AWOL Soldier [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:24 am ]
Post subject:  Hello
This post is in response to some of the current threads that I've been reading through. It's also partially due to the fact that I haven't REALLY talked to you guys in a while.

Just a forewarning: This will be a very long post. Think, "Wall of Text" kind of big. Those of you who don't have the patience or attention span for it, please don't read it or even respond to it with one of those typical, "too long" posts. Please. Those of you who are interested or care to show enough respect to me, I thank you for reading all the way through.

First of all, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I haven't been around for quite some time. I haven't talked directly to many of you for just about as long as that. For this, I am deeply sorry. It's not that I don't like you guys anymore, or even that I am ignoring you. I promise. I still love you all, and I still wish to hear that you are all well.

Next, I'd just like to say that I am NOT leaving the clan. I still wear the clan tag. I may not be on Steam very much these days, but I do still try to represent. Even though I'm not on very much, I think that's no reason whatsoever for me to resign. If anything, I'd like my membership to continue for as long as we exist. And even if .:Splak| eventually fades, I'd like to consider myself a veteran of this clan, and nothing less than that.

This post is majorly to show my support for the clan. .:Splak| is an amazing online community. I've always felt that the people in this clan had a very special connection. Even if some relationships weren't entirely stable throughout the years, I'd like to think that the reason why is that we valued our connections so highly that anyone who didn't share that with us inside the clan didn't belong there. Call it a sort of overly-protective wolf pack. Anyways, my point is that .:Splak| is an extremely unique, valuable, and wonderful community that is absolutely irreplaceable. And I, for one, refuse to ever let go of this wonderful experience that I have had with all of you.

I must say, I do miss all of you. Dearly.

Next, just let me say that I will try to explain myself for my absence in the server, but it will mostly consist of excuses. I do realize this fact, and I do apologize.

I've just been so fucking busy. Life rushed directly at my face with the speed of lightning the moment I turned 18. I'm 19, now, and I'll be turning over my second decade very soon. It's all very sudden, and quite frankly, I'm still figuring out how to deal with it all. It seems like just yesterday I was a freshman at a new highschool after moving to a new area. I was standing upon a hill, saying to myself, "Time seems to go slowly. However, I know that in a little less than 4 years, I'll be standing on this hill again. I'll be telling myself about how quickly it has gone, and I'll be graduating." Well, this became very true in a way. I graduated before I even knew it. I didn't stand on that hill, however, to tell myself all about it. That hill had been leveled and turned into a parking lot. A way to signify the changing over the years, if you will indulge me on a bit of whimsical internal symbolism.

I've since been at college. Well, even then, it's summer time and I've already completed my first year. Where did it go? I remember it, but I don't remember how I got back to this house of mine. How did it go so fast? It just yesterday that I was standing on the grass outside of my dorm, looking at all of the weird kids. And it was just yesterday that I was staring at that girl who was sleeping on the couch in the lobby like she was weird. And thinking that those kids who were fencing outside were weird. And that kid with the notebook was too snobby. And that kid with the red hair was such a sexist. And it was just yesterday that all of us were becoming best friends. Pushing one another into the snow. Going to the mall. Staying up until the sun rose, and then going to bed until it fell. Playing video games in the lobby, going to breakfast at 7, taking an exam at 11, and doing it all over again. It was just yesterday that the snow melted and we were all sliding on our slick shoes down the wet pavement. It was just yesterday where we lying on the grass, letting the sun bare down on us. It was just yesterday we said good bye. It was just yesterday where I realized, none of that was yesterday.

I'm going to have to double post, I think, in order to continue. Yes, it's true, I'm not done.
Author:  Tactical [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:31 am ]
Post subject: 
"Call it a sort of overly-protective wolf pack" sorry but this made me cry cause i was laughing so hard all i could think about was the one part in the hangover hahaha
Author:  AWOL Soldier [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:35 am ]
Post subject: 
As I was saying,

I've been so very busy. Classes have taken as much of my time as my friends have.

Unfortunately, I've had something else taking up my time, too. Depression. I have a chronic condition in my shoulder. It's not diagnosed, but it is acknowledged by my doctors as chronic. Don't bother asking how that works, I can't tell you. I'm not really sure myself. All I know is this; I've been handicapped since I was 16. I've completely lost the use and function of my arm on multiple occasions. There are times where my episodes can last for weeks, and I can't use that arm whatsoever. I won't even be able to lift a paper plate. To have an arm that looks perfectly healthy that won't respond is mental torture. It's a terrible feeling, (and yes, I've thought of how amputees feel and know that there are people worse off than myself) and it has led to my inevitable, hard fall into depression. You see, massive quantities of unimaginable pain accompany these episodes. It gets to the point where I can't think of anything else. It's pervasive. It cuts through everything. My world consists of one shoulder, and it's shredding itself apart with hot knives. I can touch my shoulder and feel the intense heat and sweat coming off it through my shirts. My friends retract their hands from my skin because they swear that it nearly burned them. The pain causes me to become irritable, and so I avoid people because I don't want to say or do anything stupid. I feel forced away from the people I care about so that I don't hurt them.

Well, the depression is gone now, but it had eaten about three months of my life this year. All the good times seem like yesterday, but those times feel like they were years ago, somehow. There have been so many laughs and smiles since then. It's impossible, and beautiful.

Moving on;

These are my main reasons for not having been in the pub. Those not withstanding, I now have a job. Finally, after 10 months of unemployment, I have a job. So, I'm focusing on that now.

Anyways, I apologize to those who have regretted my absence, no matter which way that might be.

To all of .:Splak|

I love you. You are wonderful. May you all live long, healthy lives. May the community of .:Splak| live long and healthy. I hope it experiences a sort of wonderful revival, something in the likeness of the transformation brought on by the renaissance. I hope I see you all again in the future. I hope we share many laughs, many head shots, and many more jokes. You're all my friends, and I hope that you can all consider me to be your friend too.

This is .:Splak| AWOL Soldier:

Good morning, good afternoon, and good night,

~Kevin
Author:  Tactical [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:40 am ]
Post subject: 
straight up yo, you should become an author for a living.
Author:  Gdogg [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 2:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Awol my brotha, you are an awsome person and I've missed playing with you. Thank you for sharing this information with us, it shows who you really are and I wish everyone else would do the same thing. No apology is needed, worry about what you're going to do these next few years then come play all you want cuz I'll be right here :D.

Stay True.
Author:  Mr.orange [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 7:05 am ]
Post subject: 
Though we never talked alot ive always had a good amount of respect for you, Awol. I wish you the best

sorry ive been away also; school and friends have keep me away from the computer and i know that this will continue through the summer. Ill come in and play once in awhile because I love splak too much to leave
Author:  P@pi ChUl0 [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 10:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Gdogg and Orange said what I was thinking. Dont be sorry, no one is mad at you but we do miss you. Also, I really respect what you said. I find that admiring. It was nice of you to keep in touch. Come by as much as you can when you have free time :) Hope to see you in the pub whenever possible.
Author:  Wraith [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 10:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Well I feel you brother. You can't be in two places at the same time, (Even though I'm almost awesome enough to be) which might make it difficult to always be on. First, that kid with the red is a sexist and a douche. Second, I feel you on the sticking around in the clan. If it's one thing I've learned from the military it's loyalty and respect. Never will I need to look for another clan as long as this one is around. I've spent too many a good times here. I feel strong bonds here. Right CHUNKY?
Author:  chunky3 [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Although you never liked me, I did like you when you were around. You were a good person to look up to. You always spoke the truth, even if what you said was harsh or mean. Because of your true words to me, it was sort of a motivation for me to change from what I was before and it got me to where I am right now in this clan. For that I thank you. Keep your head up high and don't give up.
Author:  bassplayinimrod [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:52 am ]
Post subject: 
i never really knew you, like i always said hey to you when i saw you in the pub, and it was fun to play with you, but damn man, that was amazing to read. shit i dunno what to say. all i can really say is this was really powerful and had an effect on me. i hope everything is working out for you and i hope to see you on soon man.
Author:  Awesome X [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 12:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
Image
Author:  {rIOT gIIIRL} Gigi [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Even though we never talked much you were always great to have in the pub.

Like the others have been saying, you don't need to apologize.
Author:  .:Splak|GRAM$ [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
It seems like it was yesterday we were playing in the pub and you said something like "i seriously fucked up my arm" playing baseball or something... I seriously almost cryed while reading this, and im gonna stick it out and stay in .:splak in hopes that i can meet some more peaple 1/2 as cool as you.
Live your life. Get better. Your my homie
Author:  [Y.A.]RoMoDaNn [ Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
i know man... im'a have to cut down on cz a little from now o... i gotta get ready for college and all and gotta stop slacking off. there's no need for you to apologize man, we all understand and wish you the best of luck
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