Splak.net

i have this really good blonder joke but i dont feel like typing it out cause my hands are stiff from bneing so cold

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.:Splak|Element

Why you never question a drunk

A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice

A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
‘You must be single.’

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the
derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at the six items
on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that
could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: ‘Well, you know what, you’re
absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?’

The drunk replied, ”Cause you’re ugly.’

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^ lmao

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http://www.formspring.me/yaseenrazeq
"In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." - James Stewart

HAHAHAHA thats so messed up

alright


A woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice

A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
‘You must be single.’

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the
derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at the six items
on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that
could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: ‘Well, you know what, you’re
absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?’

The drunk replied, ”Cause you’re ugly.’

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.:Splak|Element

noob element noob

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.


The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!

I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles.



With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says... You idiot!......................

You're sitting on the mop bucket!!!

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A young, good looking Cowboy walked into a drug store in Montana and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.

The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'

The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.' When she returned, she said, We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is as follows:

1/3 ownership in the store,
A company pickup truck, and
$3,000 a month living expenses.

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FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys
when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.



FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.



FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching
children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:

I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before
they even touch a firearm.



FEMALE INTERVIEWER:

But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:

Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are
you?

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A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?'
says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year
old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, 'When we go
downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say
something with ass.' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants
for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying hi s eyes out, with his mother in
hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room
and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern
voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?' 'I don't know', he
blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios.'

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Not really a joke but very funny.

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Lol. good ones but i don't understand the pharmacist one.

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Cartman's Mom: "Eric, wanna say hello to Grandpa?"
Cartman: "Not now mom! I'm playing Texans and Mexicans!"

yea i dont really get the pharmacist joke either...I kinda do..but not sure..

i do lol

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.:Splak|Element

^ they want him to stay to bang bang

_________________
http://www.formspring.me/yaseenrazeq
"In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." - James Stewart