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Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Honda ST motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my ST, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks, Ted

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Did not see that one coming...

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I
can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2
hours.”

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,
“How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and said, “About 3 hours.”

The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How
long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and half.”

The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey, Bill, do me a favour.

Follow that guy, and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has
to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.”

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, “So, where does that guy go when he leaves here?”

Bill looked up, choking on laughter, tears in his eyes, and said, “Your
house.”

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That one was awesome.

ROFL that was a good one

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That's crazy.

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Cartman's Mom: "Eric, wanna say hello to Grandpa?"
Cartman: "Not now mom! I'm playing Texans and Mexicans!"

I dont get the last one :/

The guy goes to the barbers house and I guess "hangs" with the barbers wife.

^ What he said.

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Cartman's Mom: "Eric, wanna say hello to Grandpa?"
Cartman: "Not now mom! I'm playing Texans and Mexicans!"

i heard a dif variation. the dude is a pharmicist and asks for 3 packs of condoms. then leaves everytime laughing.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.
What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?)
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
"I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

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Really lucky? You have already posted that second one...

Someone who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster , Ohio forwarded the following letter.

The letter was sent to the Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.



Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine... and I told her to kiss my ass.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Edna

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JoHnNy PaJaMaS

Friend (9:31:50 PM): 2 gay guys go to hell
Friend (9:31:53 PM): which one gets tehre first
Friend (9:31:55 PM): there*
Friend (10:06:06 PM): The on ontop because his shits already packed
Godlike Music7 (10:06:24 PM): lmao
Godlike Music7 (10:06:33 PM): lmfao omg

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http://www.formspring.me/yaseenrazeq
"In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." - James Stewart