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These 2 below are funny:
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard.
"I'm lost," said the man."Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, had a fantastic figure and looked like Tera Patrick!!! She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone.
But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read,
"Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read:
"Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."
In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.
As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read,
"Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.
An asian guy went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol.
After a couple of beers, the guy sensed that Spielberg was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the guy crashed down from his stool, fallen by a vicious hook from the director.
Picking himself up, he yelled, "Wat da hell is dat por?"
Spielberg ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you #@@!!##! My dad perished in that bombing!"
#@@!!##! I am not Jafanese, you stufid Nincomfoof! I am Pilifino!" exclaimed the Pinoy.
The inebriated director replied, "Yeah yeah yeah...Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Filipino ...you're all the same!"
Regaining his composure, the Pinoy dusted off his white pants, straightened the collar of his loud bird-of-paradise printed shirt, took his seat and ordered a double R&B from the bartender.
After a few sips, the Pinoy stood up and delivered his best Jackie Chan karate kick, sending the director flying halfway across the room. "What was that for?!!" shouted the surprised Spielberg from about fifteen feet away.
"Dat's por da sinking of da TITANIC! I had my grandpader on dat ship!" the Pinoy answered back.
"You ignorant Chink! The TITANIC was sunk by
an iceberg!" exclaimed the director.
"Yah yah yah...Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg... you are also all the same!
_________________ Cartman's Mom: "Eric, wanna say hello to Grandpa?" Cartman: "Not now mom! I'm playing Texans and Mexicans!" Stonedar420 wrote: Zombies so gay.. he sends penises to himself and he doesnt even realize it.
That would make a great bumper sticker for Zombie.
"Im so gay, I dont know I send myself penises"
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